Had raised my voice at her yesterday.. Reason being that she knew that I will be in the stn waiting for her to meet her up for dinner and to discuss things, however she did not want to eat as there are some familiar faces in the canteen.
Then when I went to B7, and saw a packet of food on one of the files. I then asked her whose food was it, and she told me that she had asked Dev to buy for her.. Then why she ask him to help me buy too? What do she mean by last minute? Since he is able to buy food for her, why not just buy another one for me? She knows very well that I did not have dinner, not to mention lunch, and was so hungry.. In the end, she only ask Dev to buy for her, completely forgetting (or don't bother) about me presence.. Is that treating me nice? I doubt so..
And also another thing, she knows that I want to meet her to discuss somethings. Okay, she went to see OO, then went down to B7, justifiable. But she just completely forgetting (or once again don't bother) that we need to discuss something.. And she did not even bother to ask me..
She might think that I like to raise my voice at her, but that is completely not true. When I raised my voice at her, the pain in my heart is excruciating that nothing can compare it. I never feel good whenever I raised my voice at her.. I'm a bad guy, that's must be on her mind.. But can she at least think why I had been reacting that way. Not because BF/GF thingy, but even friends will also be angry if they are treated that way..
Everytime she told me that she's very stress, sick and tired of people gossiping, I too were also stress, because she kept saying that it was me who made people gossip about her. Yes it is correct, but that was not the only reason. People had also been gossiping about she and Dev. But why she still continues to treat Dev so nicely, having fun chatting with him, touch him like nobody's business, even got bodily close to him. And she only blames me when other people say things about her. I really had no idea why she would always look for Dev, and not me? Is it because I'm useless to her.. Huss once told me that Dev purposely touch her, which made her felt uncomfortable.. But it seems like she don't mind right now, after seeing it in my own eyes during the breakfast after last night shift..
I'm worried about her because of Dev, but she kept saying they are just friends. That's how she thinks, but is it how Dev really thinks? Then why he told Mike about one night stand thing? Even though it might be a joke, but think about it, you think he'll don't dare to do that? Considering what he had done in the past, it is possible that he will really do it..
I just want her to know how I feel.. I wanted to tell her personally, but she always run away from it. Sometimes when I got the chance, I just don't bear to make her sad, make her think that I'm making false allegation..
